Emotions and Dog Training

Hey!

Today, we're diving into the important role emotions play in dog training and how they can significantly impact the outcomes.

I hadn't really considered the influence of emotions until I watched a webinar at the KIENO dog training conference. Honestly, I was only ten minutes in when my mind was blown! The insights shared were things I had never thought about, yet they seemed so obvious once someone pointed them out.

Dr. Holly Tett and Surabhi Venkatesh discussed emotional regulation in dog training, focusing on both us as trainers and the dogs themselves.

Emotions are a significant part of life for both us and animals, even though some people might disagree about whether animals experience emotions. Those of us who have pets or work with them know that they absolutely do, and these emotions play a crucial role in their learning and ability to listen. It’s similar for us, right? When we’re scared, angry, or upset, we often either act out or suppress those feelings entirely—neither of which are healthy ways to cope.

It’s essential for both us and our dogs to learn how to regulate our emotions while still allowing ourselves to feel them.

That’s the focus of today’s discussion. Experiencing emotions is a natural part of life, and we’re not looking to eliminate them. Instead, we want to build a toolbox of techniques to help us and our dogs regulate those emotions, both during training sessions and beyond.

Are you ready?

Let's go.

Emotions are good, regulating them is a skill that takes time and practice.

What is Emotional Regulation?

A common misconception about emotional regulation is that you should always be in control of your feelings, suggesting that experiencing emotions like anger isn’t acceptable, so you should suppress them.

That’s not the case. Emotional regulation encourages you to acknowledge and feel all of your emotions. What defines your ability to regulate is how well you can transition from one emotion to another.

It’s about the capacity to lower or turn off the stress alarms in our bodies, as these trigger the nervous system, often pushing us into overdrive.

Let me make it clearer, and I'll shout this louder for the ones in the back!

Emotional well-being is not the absence of negative emotions, it's the ability to work through them.

So, when people say that it's okay not to be okay, it's true. But what defines us is how we deal with those emotions. (Please note I am not talking about mental health conditions or alike, I know it's much more complicated than that.)

So, in terms of dog training, dogs and their owners are allowed to feel whatever it is they are feeling. Our job is not to stop them from feeling the emotions, it's to work with them to regulate themselves, and ourselves, too.

Societal Expectations

Society expects our dogs to behave like robots

One thing that has taken me a while to wrap my head around is the pressure from society, both on us as dog owners and on our dogs.

It baffles me how there’s such a strong sense of right and wrong when it comes to having dogs, especially in public settings.

Here are some of the expectations I’ve personally encountered:

• Your dog should walk nicely on a lead and not react to people, other dogs, wildlife, cats, or cars.

• You should be able to let your dog off-lead, and they should come back to you when called. If you don’t allow your dog off-lead, some may label you as cruel or holding them back.

• Dogs shouldn’t bark or growl while playing, as these sounds are often misinterpreted as signs of aggression (which isn’t always true, by the way).

• Your dog should be quiet at home and in the garden, as well as when out in public, since barking can be perceived as annoying. In fact, some people even report barking dogs as neighbourhood noise pollution.

• Dogs should be sociable with everyone they meet, both people and other dogs.

There’s an expectation for almost "robotic" behaviour from our dogs, and that pressure falls squarely on us as their owners. If we don’t meet these expectations, we risk being labelled as bad dog owners, and our dogs may be unfairly categorised as "bad."

But why is there such a stigma surrounding dogs that don’t behave perfectly?

Many rescue dogs come with behaviours shaped by their past experiences, others by genetic traits, and issues arising from misbreeding. Additionally, some dogs are simply less sociable than others, and some pick up bad habits through training errors.

As dog owners, our primary responsibility is to keep our dogs safe from others and to ensure that others are safe from our dogs. We must manage any challenging behaviours in a way that best suits our individual dogs.

The management techniques we use will vary based on the specific issues at hand, but some examples include using muzzles, gentle leaders, walking during quieter times, avoiding busy dog parks, and refraining from letting your dog off-lead if you don’t trust their recall.

No two dogs are the same; each has their own quirks. Some bark when playing, some growl as a greeting, and others prefer not to socialise at all—and all of that is perfectly okay.

Yes, training your dog is important, but there are some natural traits (like barking during play) that you might not be able to stop.

Ultimately, it’s not our job to please society, as long as we aren’t endangering anyone or causing a nuisance. If someone doesn’t like the way your dog barks while playing, they don’t have to engage. If someone thinks you’re a bad dog owner for keeping your dog on a lead in a busy dog park to protect them from other off-lead dogs, that’s their opinion.

There’s a pressure on us to prevent our dogs from feeling scared, angry, frustrated, or overly energetic simply because others might not like it. However, this pressure can negatively impact our training and the dogs themselves. If they aren’t allowed to express their feelings, they could end up shutting down or becoming destructive.

I know how hard it is to break a stigma, but we can all be a part of that by working with our dogs, not working to conform to society.

If we are not regulating our own emotions, how can we expect the same from our dogs?

Importance of Regulating Our Own Emotions

Being in control of your own emotions is a valuable skill in life, but it’s crucial in dog training for many reasons!

As humans, we often jump to conclusions without taking the time to understand the actual problem. Our emotions can exacerbate this hastiness, leading us to miss the root cause of an issue and dive into attempting to fix a behaviour without addressing what’s really behind it.

When we get excited, our dogs tend to mirror that excitement. When we feel angry, our dogs often react to that anger; when we’re scared, our dogs may become fearful or aggressive. They not only pick up on the pheromones we release but are also excellent at reading our body language. Additionally, we often tense the lead when we’re emotionally stressed, which can significantly affect our dogs' reactions.

In today’s fast-paced world, humans tend to be impatient, and this impatience can hinder dog training, which requires time and patience. As dog owners, we sometimes take setbacks personally or label our dogs as "naughty" (but dogs are never intentionally bad; there’s always a reason behind their behaviour). When we become angry and impatient, our tone can become harsher and sharper, leading to frustration that manifests in lead yanking, shouting, and ultimately leaves our dogs confused. We often slide into harsher training techniques to get the results we want, but this can undo all our previous training and negatively impact the bond between us and our dog.

Staying calm, or being able to return to a state of calm when triggered, offers numerous benefits. It enhances our communication, strengthens the bond between us and our dog, and increases the likelihood of achieving the results we desire. When we exhibit calm behaviour, it signals to our dog that we are in control, knowledgeable, and confident, which in turn helps them feel more at ease. Calmer dogs are less prone to negative reactions and are better equipped to learn the desired behaviours.

To improve your emotional regulation abilities, it is important to identify what triggers you and why. You then need to modify your engagement with that trigger, such as reducing your exposure to it or finding ways to regulate yourself when you do hit a trigger. Things to consider are deep breathing techniques, movement and questioning yourself as to why you are triggered.

Emotional Regulation in Dogs

New techniques are constantly emerging to help children navigate their big emotions, moving away from the outdated notion of suppressing feelings. The era of "Children should be seen and not heard" is gradually fading, though some still hold onto this belief, while others have been ahead of the curve, teaching emotional regulation long before it became popular.

This shift in understanding is also making its way into dog training. When our dogs experience fear, our goal isn't to eliminate that emotion but to empower them to regulate themselves and return to a state of calm.

Anayah is proof that dogs can learn to regulate themselves

I'm going to use my dog as an example here, as she's the perfect illustration of how this works.

I rescued a German Shepherd/Husky cross just over three years ago, and when I first brought her home, she was full of energy and quite the busy dog. Anayah always needed to be doing something—reacting to every dog we encountered, wanting to greet every person we saw, and chasing after every car in sight. You get the picture: she was energetic and impulsive, often acting before she had the chance to think.

When she reacted to something, we had to go home and end the walk because there was no way she was calming down while still outside.

Over the years, I have implemented various techniques to help her calm down. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was equipping her with the tools to regulate her emotions more effectively. And it works.

Yes, she still reacts to some dogs and most wildlife, but with a few methods I've implemented, she can calm down and refocus much more quickly than she used to. Now, we can bring her attention back to me within a few minutes, allowing us to continue our walk without cutting it short.

I've noticed improvements not only when we're out and about but also at home and in the garden. When something triggers her, she is now able to return to a state of calm with little to no intervention from me.

When we are helping our dogs regulate their emotions, there are a few important questions we need to ask ourselves:

Are we consistently meeting our dog's needs, both physically and psychologically?

If we fail to provide our dogs with everything they need to thrive and be happy, they won't be in the right state of mind to regulate their emotions. They need to feel safe, be well cared for, and have their physical and mental exercise needs met.

Does my dog have opportunities to engage in natural behaviour?

Dogs have their own interests, just like us. Some love to dig, others enjoy destroying toys, and many thrive on playing with other dogs and running. When our dogs can engage in these types of activities regularly, they are more likely to develop better emotional regulation skills.

Does my dog have choices?

Allowing your dog to make choices can enhance their confidence and help them trust in themselves, equipping them with the skills they need for emotional regulation. These choices might include deciding which route to take on a walk, choosing a toy to play with, or selecting an activity they want to participate in.

Do we have a strong bond with our dog? Do they trust us?Reflecting on an earlier point, dogs are highly perceptive and pick up on our emotions. If we are calm, our dogs are more likely to remain calm as well, but this is contingent on their trust in us.

Consider this analogy: you would trust a ship captain if they assured you that everything was going smoothly. However, if I were to tell you that the ship would sail safely to our destination, would you believe me? Probably not, because you don’t trust me, and I lack knowledge about ships. The same principle applies to our relationship with our dogs; trust is essential for effective communication and emotional regulation.

Dogs who don't get their needs met are unlikely to be able to regulate their emotions.

Now that we have ensured all of the above points have been considered and any necessary changes have been implemented, we can explore ways to help our dogs calm down when triggered, whether in a negative emotional state or an excited one. Both scenarios can often lead to similar outbursts of energy.

Sometimes, you might only need to use one of the following techniques, but often you'll find that a combination is more effective. It's helpful to be familiar with these methods so you can employ them as needed! Remember, every dog is different, and yours may not respond to all of the techniques listed below. Keep an eye on your dog's body language and behaviour, and adjust your toolbox accordingly.

• Distance – Creating distance between your dog and the trigger is one of the easiest and most effective methods for allowing them to calm down. You can do this by turning and walking the other way, crossing the road, or placing a physical barrier between your dog and the trigger.

• Movement – Dogs often calm down more quickly when they are moving, as it gives their brains something else to focus on. Walk your dog in circles, get them into a heel position, or do some tricks to keep them engaged and moving.

• Touch – Some dogs find physical touch comforting during times of stress. In such cases, offering strokes, a cuddle, or a belly scratch can be beneficial. However, not all dogs will appreciate this when they feel overwhelmed, so be sure to observe their body language.

• Sniffing – Encouraging your dog to use their sense of smell is another nearly foolproof way to help them calm down. You can throw treats on the ground or encourage them to sniff a lamppost. For my dog, Anayah, scattering high-value treats in the grass is my go-to method, as it effectively redirects her focus.

• Licking – Licking can be a great self-soothing behaviour for dogs. Lick mats or pate tubes are excellent tools for encouraging this behaviour, although lick mats may not be practical when you're out for a walk.

• Food – Many dogs, especially food-motivated breeds like Labradors, can quickly shift their focus back to you as soon as you pull out a treat. This can be an effective way to redirect their energy and attention.

• Alone time – While not all dogs will do this, some will retreat to their bed or a quiet corner when they feel overwhelmed or stressed—usually in a home setting rather than while out on a walk. This alone time helps them decompress and regulate themselves.

One last point I need to make is this.

Learning to regulate emotions, both for you and your dog, will take time. There is no quick fix, and any trainer who tells you that there is is using the wrong methods.

It will take time and practice, but it is doable, and Anayah is proof of that!

I hope you learned something from todays post, and that you feel ready to go out there and start a new, stronger bond with your dog, one that allows them to feel the emotions they feel but equips them with the knowledge to calm down again.

Not allowing yourself or your dog to feel emotions is not healthy and can cause behaviour or mental health issues.

Feelings are good! You and your dog are allowed to feel whatever you feel, but how you deal with those emotions is what defines us.

So, now that your toolbox is full of new, sharp methods and techniques to make your dogs life (and yours) easier in terms of managing their emotions, you can make the world a less scary place!

And don't be afraid if people disagree with how you work with your dog. So long as your dogs needs are met and you aren't using punishment methods or abusive techniques, no one else has the right to question what you are doing or why. Feel free to try and educate them, but remember, you can't fix stupid!

See you next week.