Merry & Mindful: A Neurodivergent’s Christmas Survival Guide
- TJ Gibbons
- Nov 18, 2024
- 10 min read
Holidays are coming, and so is the stress, social gatherings, Christmas shopping, hosting family and all the other daunting events of the season.
Can you believe it's just over 5 weeks until the big day?
Christmas is meant to be a time of joy, peace, hope and family, though that's not the case for everyone. Some may enjoy it but struggle with certain aspects, while others may hate the season entirely. The stress can become overwhelming and feelings of loneliness or sadness may arise.
Even if you love it, some things can become too much, especially for those of us who are neurodivergent.
I love Christmas—the buzz, the lights, the time with loved ones, but it can be overstimulating. And Christmas shopping? I hate it! Figuring out what to buy while worrying about spending too much or too little is stressful. The crowds of people pushing and shoving only add to the chaos. That's just a huge nope.
It doesn't have to be as stressful as it seems, though, and remember, in 6 weeks it will all be over.
Whether you are hosting gatherings, attending them, both or neither, here are 10 tips you could try to make this Christmas less stressful and exhausting, and these tips could be helpful for both neurotypical and neurodivergent brains, though it is mostly aimed towards the latter! This is the ultimate Neurodivergent’s Christmas Survival Guide!
Prepare food in advance
Set a budget
Use tools to block out unwanted stimulation
Stimming is allowed, and encouraged!
Only see people you want to
Schedule down time
Simplify gift giving
Use visual aids
Stay active
Limit social media time
Keep reading for more information about each tip!
Prepare food in advance, and work smarter not harder!
If you are hosting a gathering during the holidays—whether it's a small get-together with friends or the big day itself—there are a few ways to reduce your workload and stress levels.
I love cooking and hosting, but I hate cooking for a crowd. I get stressed, mix up my timings, and either burn things or under-cook them—sometimes both! To stay on track without missteps, I plan my steps well in advance and create a printed schedule of what I need to do and when. That way, when the moment arrives, I don't need to stress; I just follow my step-by-step guide written in a way that I understand. You could use your phone, a printed guide, or even record yourself giving instructions!
Another way I stay on top of timings is by using Alexa (or any smart speaker, including the one on your smartphone). I not only ask her to set timers or reminders, but I also name each one so I remember what it’s for when it goes off! This way, I don’t have to check the timer or remember to put the potatoes on at 16:30; Alexa will remind me.
Third, prepare what you can in advance to save time, effort, and energy on the day. After all, the whole point of hosting is to spend time with your guests, not slave away in the kitchen! Items like gravy, cranberry sauce, applesauce, and stuffing (if you’re making it from scratch) can be made in advance and frozen. While freshly cooked veggies are best, no one will mind if you make your life easier by cooking in advance and freezing! Even mashed potatoes can be cooked and frozen.
Desserts are no exception. I’ve successfully frozen cakes and cookie dough—just ensure you wrap them properly to protect them from frost damage and defrost them correctly for the best results!
Set a budget
Christmas can be expensive, especially in times like these when everything has increased in price. So, set a budget. If you don’t feel confident in managing your finances (I certainly need help with this!), you can use apps, consult professionals, or ask friends and family for help. Start by reviewing your finances to assess your income, savings, and expenses, which will give you a clear picture of your financial situation. From there, you can set a budget that feels comfortable for you. Be sure to include expenses for gifts, decorations, food, and travel.
To help save money, keep an eye out for sales and deals—coupons are great too! If you're struggling to finance the dinner you’re hosting, consider asking for contributions from those attending, or invite them to bring their own drinks. You could also ask guests to bring additions to the meal, like starters or desserts! Don’t hesitate to ask for help; it’s not a sign of weakness. People are there to see you, not to take advantage of your kindness (though, unfortunately, some individuals like that do exist in families).
You can save money on gift-giving as well by making DIY gifts or agreeing not to exchange gifts this year. Don’t forget that charity shops can be a great way to find unique gifts at excellent prices, and you’ll be doing the world a favor by recycling pre-loved items!
As you spend money, write it all down so you won’t be surprised when you next check your bank account. The key is to stick to your budget!
Use tools to block out unwanted stimulation
I love the lights and music of Christmas, but it can be overwhelming in busy places like supermarkets or towns. Noise is my biggest stimulant, so I bought Loop Engage earplugs a few months ago, and they are fantastic! I didn’t understand the hype until I tried them; I even got a second pair for concerts.
There are three styles: Engage for everyday interactions, which lower noise while keeping voices clear; Experience for loud concerts, allowing you to hear the artist while reducing volume and background noise (I usually get tinnitus after shows, but not with these!); and Quiet plugs, which I can’t comment on since I don’t own them.
The earplugs are comfortable and come with different-sized fittings for the best fit. They also come in various colors, so you can choose between a stylish look or a more discreet appearance.
If you’re on a budget, foam earplugs are an option, but I highly recommend Loop earplugs! Ear defenders are another good choice for those with sensory sensitivities.
Sunglasses can help reduce bright lights, and creating a comfort kit with fidget toys or a favorite hoodie can keep you calm. Remember to take breaks from stimulating situations and visit places when they’re less crowded, ideally with someone you trust.
With a little preparation, you can make outings much more enjoyable!
Stimming is allowed, and encouraged!
Stimming is a natural behavior that many of us engage in, including actions like nail biting, tapping fingers on a desk, or twirling hair. There are various forms of stimming, and it can help keep our brains focused and calm, providing a soothing effect.
Unfortunately, stimming is often frowned upon or seen as "annoying," especially when it involves repetitive actions like kicking a foot on the floor or singing the same part of a song. In public or social settings, we may mask our stims to fit in, often doing so unconsciously.
Let’s weigh the pros and cons: when you stim, you may feel happy and comfortable, as it’s part of who you are. Conversely, not stimming can lead to anxiety, restlessness, and jitters. Personally, I would much rather stim in public without worrying about others' opinions, though I understand that's not easy for everyone.
If you want to stim but feel unable to, try to find a safe stim that you feel comfortable doing in public. This could be picking at nail polish, using a stim toy, or rubbing your fingers together. Options for stimulation toys include fidget rings or cubes, necklaces you can slide along, normal rings to spin, or popper toys.
Never feel bad about doing what you need to do. If it doesn’t harm you or anyone else, others have no right to judge you.
Only see people you want to
Social interactions can be exhausting for everyone, but they can be especially draining for those whose brains work differently. Constantly worrying about whether people like us, if we’re making appropriate eye contact, and whether we’re discussing the right topics can be incredibly tiring. Many of us also feel the need to mask our true selves around those we don’t know or trust.
If certain people drain your energy, make you feel unsafe, or treat you unfairly, it’s perfectly okay to avoid them.
I understand that family obligations and expectations can feel overwhelming, but a loving and respectful family will understand your needs. Consider talking to your parents or someone you trust about your feelings. For instance, you could mention that when Aunt Rose (anyone you prefer to avoid,) is over, you might step out for a while.
If you live alone or with a partner, it’s generally easier to avoid unwanted interactions, but family expectations can still loom large. Remember, your needs come first. Spend time only with those you love and trust. Christmas is about enjoying the holiday with the people who matter to you, not about seeing every family member. You might find that others feel the same way and appreciate your honesty!
Schedule down time
Remember to make time for yourself. It’s easy to get swept up in the chaos of Christmas, so if you need to, block out times in your calendar to spend doing the things you enjoy, whether alone or with your partner, kids, or friends. Go for a coffee and a walk around the garden center, have a movie night with popcorn and sweets, take a bath with candles, enjoy a walk in the woods, read a book, do some gardening, or engage in art—whatever makes you happy. If you don’t rest your body, mind, and soul, you’ll be burnt out by the time Christmas arrives, and you won’t enjoy it. Even on the big day, if you need to step out for half an hour to gather your thoughts and recharge with a cup of tea, you do that. Don't feel like you have to run yourself ragged just to make others happy. You are important too, and saying no is more than fair.
Simplify gift giving
I love giving gifts and seeing the joy on people's faces. However, I dislike Christmas shopping. The crowds, countless options, and budget constraints can be overwhelming.
Fortunately, there are ways to simplify the process!
First, remember the budget we discussed. Keep track of your spending to ensure you stay within your limits.
Shopping online is another great option. It allows you to avoid crowds and noise while browsing at your own pace.
Having a rough plan for your gifts can also help. Consider making some gifts yourself or giving items you no longer use, such as books, DVDs, or ornaments (as long as they’re in good condition). You could create a photo album filled with memories or gift healthy young plants from your houseplants. Baking treats to share is another thoughtful idea!
I like to make a list of people I want to gift and note what I plan to give them to avoid buying unnecessary items.
Start shopping early in the year and take advantage of sales. Remember, quality is more important than quantity. I’d prefer one or two thoughtful gifts over ten useless items any day!
Make sure the people on your gift list are those you genuinely want to gift. Don’t feel pressured to buy for family members if you don’t want to. My partner and I have decided not to exchange gifts this year due to budget constraints; instead, we’ll focus on spending quality time together. I do plan to make him something since we agreed not to buy gifts!
If you're unsure about what to give someone, consider a gift voucher for their favorite store or an experience they would enjoy, like a theater trip or a nice meal. You could also adopt a wild or rescued animal in their name, complete with a welcome pack.
Use visual aids
I have a terrible memory, and using the calendar on my phone has proven useless. When reminders pop up, I often just turn them off if I'm busy, intending to look at them later—but I never do, because I forget. I need to see things to remember them. Now, I use a calendar, a cork board, and a whiteboard to keep all my important information in one place.
For appointments, I add them to both my calendar and my phone. This way, when I’m making plans with others, I can see my appointments on my phone and avoid double-booking myself. I use the whiteboard to write important reminders, my to-do list, and my shopping list. The cork board is for pinning important letters that require action, such as booking appointments or emailing someone—things I couldn't address right away upon opening the letter.
If you have a smart speaker, you can use it to remind you of things. However, this is just a quick reminder that stops after two repeats, so I often forget anyway.
Visual aids are also helpful for guiding you step by step through tasks, like the cooking guide we mentioned earlier.
Using physical calendars makes it easier to see how many days you're busy. Remember to block out time on your calendar for yourself!
Stay active
Staying active is important for everyone, but it’s especially crucial for those of us with ADHD or alike. Regular physical activity can help manage symptoms, improve focus, and enhance overall well-being. This importance remains during the Christmas period, even when our daily routines change. It can be harder to stick to our usual habits when our routines are disrupted, which can lead to chaos in our minds.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is essential, as it provides structure and offers a release from the holiday stress.
To stay active, try to stick to your regular workout schedule, go for walks, or explore new sports. Getting outside in the fresh air is a fantastic way to boost both mental health and physical well-being, or continue your sessions at the gym. Involve friends and family in your activities, or use this time to take a break from socializing and the expectations that often accompany the holiday season.
Limit social media and TV time
This is a tip I share year-round to promote well-being, especially during the holidays. Advertisements can push products you don't need or want, and they excel at creating unrealistic images of the "perfect" Christmas—complete with ideal families, meals, and gifts—setting standards that can be discouraging.
I tend to avoid the news unless something catches my attention, as much of it is gloomy, depressing, or scary—issues we often have no control over. I believe it's better not to worry about things that drag you down. Since I stopped watching, listening to, or reading the news, I’ve become much more relaxed and happy, and I have more free time!
Social media can be just as problematic, enticing you to buy random items you’ll never use, convincing you to spend more on family and friends, and suggesting that your home decorations aren’t up to par.
I’m not saying to avoid it completely—social media and the media, in general, have become integral to daily life. However, I recommend limiting your time on these platforms. You and your family will appreciate the difference!
At the end of the day, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones, making memories, and deepening bonds—not stressing over the perfect gift, meticulously planning each day, or exhausting yourself. So take a breath, prioritize self-care, and remember to say no to anything that will add to your stress!
It's not the best dinner or the delightful dessert that people will remember; it’s the games you played and the time you spent together.
Embrace the true meaning of Christmas: connection, love, and laughter.
Have you got any tips or hacks that you use to make the holidays easier? Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on social media!
Until next week, bye for now!
TJ
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