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Straddling the Line: The Pressure for Conformity

Hello again! It's great to see you back here. If you are new to the blog, then welcome!


Whether you are neurodivergent, have a disability, know someone who is, or are simply curious about how different minds and bodies work, you are in the right place. This post comes from the perspective of someone with a neurodivergent brain and hidden disabilities, but it is an important subject for everyone to be aware of.


Have you ever felt like you don’t quite belong anywhere? It's a more common feeling than we might expect. For those of us with brains and bodies that function differently, this sense of not belonging is all too familiar.

We are often too "different" to be considered part of the typical population, yet many of us are not "different" enough to receive a diagnosis, medication (in some cases), or the support we need. So, we find ourselves in a frustrating position of being too different but not different enough.


When seeking a diagnosis, regardless of the condition, we often have to work hard to convince medical professionals that we genuinely need the diagnosis and the support that comes with it.

Planning a trip to the doctor can be a complex endeavor. If we go in dressed nicely, we’re deemed fine, but if our attire is too sloppy, it’s automatically assumed to be a sign of depression, even when it’s not. If we present a possible diagnosis, we’re labeled as hypochondriacs, but if we’re unsure of what’s wrong, our symptoms are dismissed as too vague to mean anything. If we enter the office happy and smiling, it suggests nothing is wrong, but if we come in feeling sad, it’s instantly categorized as depression, regardless of the reality.

Doctors are trained to expect horses when they hear hoofbeats, not zebras. Yet, even when a zebra does appear, we often get pushed into the horse category simply because the doctor lacks the knowledge or willingness to understand our unique experiences.

Why is going to the doctors, the people who are meant to help us, more stressful than it should be?


Person's face covered with sticky notes reading "Norms," "Expectation," and "Society." Background has notes with words like "Failure" and "HATE."

There is this pressure to be 'normal' by society, to conform to the rules, the guidelines and follow the masses: to go to work, have a family, live a life and die a happy, fulfilled person. To keep our heads down and just agree with the people running the country and the world. If we don't fit in to their ideal picture, then we don't belong. Life is measured in success, have you noticed that? How often, when in conversation with someone you don't know well, has the "What do you do for a living?" question crop up? Every. Single. Time. Why? Because people automatically, even if they don't mean to do it, judge others by their station.

Oh, he's a bin man. That's a bit pathetic, isn't it!? That woman doesn't even have a job, I bet she lives off benefits, the money that I earn and pay as tax!

That bin man might be a single dad working every hour under the sun to pay for the roof over his daughters head. That woman might have a disability that prevents her from working, even though she wishes nothing more than to be able to earn her own money.

This world we live in is so judgmental, so focused on what everyone else is doing and fitting in. But how many people are actually happy?

So many young people struggle with their body image because of models in adverts, in magazines and on movies and shows. The "perfect" body. Eating disorders can be a result of this, low self-esteem and even anxiety, too.


Having numerous expectations can significantly impact mental health. The constant pressure to conform to societal norms is exhausting, often leading individuals to mask their 'different' behaviors out of fear of rejection. At times, it feels easier to pretend to be 'normal' to avoid drama at family gatherings, public events, and work meetings. However, this can result in a disconnect from our true selves.

I was unaware that I had been masking my behaviors until my partner pointed it out. Since then, we have been figuring out the difference between the mask and my authentic self. Now, I feel comfortable bringing a fidget toy to a doctor's appointment or waiting room, and I'm content wearing my loop earplugs in public. I'm also improving my understanding of my emotions, although I'm still learning to manage them better!

Suppressing one's true self can create inner conflicts, resulting in a cycle of stress and unhappiness.

However, some individuals face pressure to appear more different to fit into the category of 'not normal,' as their behaviors place them somewhere between typical and atypical.

Their behaviours are not conforming to the expectations of society, and yet they aren't different enough to be classed as neurodivergent or disabled, either.

Hands point at "YES" in green and "NO" in red on a white background, depicting decision-making or choice.

Have you heard of the terms "high-functioning" and "low-functioning"? These labels are often assigned to neurodivergent or disabled individuals based on their perceived independence and intelligence. For instance, in my school, there was a boy with ADHD who was labeled high-functioning, while a girl in a special educational needs (SEN) class, who was visually impaired but had average communication skills for our age, was classified as low-functioning because she required constant support due to inadequate accessibility measures. This was not her fault, yet the school deemed her lesser than her peers because they failed to provide the necessary support.


I can probably count on one hand the amount of days I did NOT get bullied at school, college and university combined, all for thinking differently, working in a way that didn't fit the standards and being 'dumb' in every subject bar the ones I actually enjoyed.


I have touched on these stories before, but for the purpose of this post, I feel it's important to bring them up again, and for those who missed the past post about it! These are my examples of being expected to conform to 'typical' society as well as being told I am not neurodivergent enough to require support and a diagnosis.


In university, I had a tutor who taught various topics, including weather and climate. I found the subject fascinating and was excited to learn, but I was disappointed to discover that he spoke too quickly, rushed through slides, and often went off on tangents. By the end of the lesson, I realized I hadn’t learned anything. I couldn’t even rely on my usual strategy of copying information from the board, as he never left the slides up long enough.

A few weeks into the semester, I stayed after class to speak with him. I explained that I am dyslexic and asked him to slow down and let me write before moving on. He agreed to wait for a nod from me to confirm I was ready.

The next lesson, I went in hopeful, but once again faced disappointment. While he initially slowed down, he eventually announced to the entire class, "We'll just wait for TJ to catch up; she's a little behind the rest of you." I felt upset and embarrassed, and for the first time in my life, I packed up and left the lecture. I filed a formal complaint about him to the university, and while things settled down afterward, I never spoke to him again, and he avoided me on campus. I was horrified that, as a tutor, he thought it was acceptable to highlight my different learning pace due to my learning disability. It felt wrong that my request for help and my inability to conform to his idea of a "typical" student were called out in front of the entire class. As if they needed another reason to bully me.


As an example of not being 'different' enough, my first ever appointment to be referred for an ADHD diagnosis is the perfect story.


My first appointment was with a female GP to get a referral for an ADHD evaluation. She was friendly and welcoming, instantly reassuring me that I was taking the right step.

She hadn’t had a chance to review the questionnaire I had emailed, so we went through it together. After finishing the form, she asked why I believed I had ADHD. I was confused, as every answer we just went through were examples enough, but I took a moment to gather my thoughts, explaining that I work with individuals who have neurodivergent conditions and have noticed similar traits in myself. Researching ADHD had brought me to tears, as everything in my life suddenly made sense. Others had found it strange that I hadn’t recognized this sooner.

I described how I could focus intensely on things I loved for hours but struggled to sit through an hour-long exam on a subject I disliked.


Then, she overwhelmed me with statements that left me feeling stunned:

"You can't have ADHD; you are sitting here having a conversation with me." "You can't have ADHD, you have a degree, a job, a relationship, and a home." I attempted to share my struggles at home, but she interrupted, saying, "ADHD diagnoses have shot through the roof, I think it's a false thing,"

She continued, "Why do you want a diagnosis anyway, isn't it pointless?" and "You should stop researching ADHD because you’re just mimicking symptoms," despite my long history with them. Finally, she concluded, "Even if you get a diagnosis, which is unlikely, you won't be medicated because you aren't ADHD enough."

After ensuring she had actually put the referral in, I left the office in tears, so angry and frustrated.


The same goes for physical disabilities, too. For example, I have Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder which can affect how long I can stand for, and when I have flare ups, it can stop me walking far, and yet because on my "good days", I am more active than many people, my "bad days" really can't be that bad, according to the NHS, and I don't qualify to get a disabled badge to allow me to park closer to shops etc when I need to.


Word cloud with terms related to neurodiversity, featuring words like "Neurodivergent," "Autism Spectrum," and "Ableism" in various colors.

What defines "normal"? Who determines that some of us are the "weird" ones while the rest of society is considered normal? The concept of normality is shaped by societal norms and what the majority deems acceptable, which can vary significantly across cultures and communities. Those who do not conform to these standards are often labeled as "weird," "different," or "strange." These labels can be damaging, not only to the individuals they describe but also to society as a whole, as they imply that diversity within the human experience is unwelcome.

Neurodivergent individuals and those with disabilities often bring unique strengths and perspectives that challenge traditional notions of normality. They bring new ideas, different ways of thinking and solutions to problems that were previously unsolved. They bring diversity, variety and a type of resilience not seen much in humans anymore.

These different personalities challenge normality as it is as they live life the way they choose, forming their own paths and leaving waves of inspiration behind them.

Questioning who defines normality encourages us to embrace people's differences. After all, if everyone were the same, life would be rather dull!

History shows that some of the most brilliant minds were neurodivergent and bodies disabled. For instance, Albert Einstein is believed to have had ADHD, Charles Darwin is suspected to have been autistic, Helen Keller was the first deaf-blind person to earn a university degree, and Rosa May Billinghurst was a suffragette who used a wheelchair after contracting polio as a child. The list of remarkable individuals who have defied conventional norms goes on.


Here is my challenge to you.

Be the change.

Be yourself.

Don't let the pressures of society get to you; live authentically. I promise you will be happier for it. It's not easy, but once you get there, you will never go back.

Talk about your diagnoses, if you have them. Be open about what they mean and advocate for the fact that you are still a human being who deserves and demands the same level of respect as any other person living on this planet.

Dog lying on its back, wearing a striped shirt, being gently held by a hand. Papers are visible in the background, creating a cozy scene.
Dogs were once wild animals, domesticated by people who saw the world differently

Views on normality have changed frequently over the years. The first humans on the planet lived in caves and hunted for survival. Between 40,000 and 20,000 years ago, it was normal for wolves to be wild until humans began to domesticate them. Now, having dogs in our homes is considered normal. I bet the first person to do it was seen as a bit of a crazy weirdo.


The 18th and 19th centuries saw gender roles becoming more defined, with men working in factories and women keeping homes and raising children. Even though in some cultures and households this is still the case, the 21st century has a totally different view on gender roles, with new identities emerging and the LGBTQ community actively spreading awareness of the new normal: embracing difference.

Let's be the change we want to see in the world. Let's stop conforming to normality and expecting others to do the same.












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